The Hills!

Tonight! Word.

Enjoy:

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

(Warning: Language may not be suitable for work without headphones. Honestly, if you're watching videos at work without headphones in the first place, that's your problem.)

A Safer World for Your Children.

They say that when you try to multi-task you can do lots of things... but you do none of them well. I am going to say that this is fact. Gospel, almost. I thought about this as I almost caused a 4 car pile-up yesterday. What happened, you might ask? I was reaching for a french fry. Then I realized that about 90% of my near-death experiences in a car* have involved me reaching for french fries. So, from now on,** I vow to not eat while I drive. I'm doing my part to make the world a safer place!

*according to statistics that I made up for this post.

**or at least until the next time I find myself hungry while driving.

I'm So Gangster.

I love rap. Let me tell you why. I love rap because the lyrics are just so darn witty. Rappers really are the great poets of our day! In 100 years, Kanye and Luda will be common household names just like Shakespeare and Keats. Last week I was listening to the radio and they cited a list that was released about the dumbest song lyrics ever. Some of them were pretty stupid. You might be surprised to find that not many of them were rap. Why not? Because rappers are brilliant! In honor of that list, I came up with my own list of my favorite rap songs (based entirely on lyrics). Enjoy!

My favorite 10, in no particular order (because I couldn't decide)!:

Nelly "Hott in Herrrrrrrre"
("Checkin' out your reflection and tellin' your best friend, like, girl I think my butt's getting big!" Hey! Who told him that we talk like that?!)

Jibb "Chains"
(Some songs require no explanation.)

Ludacris "Moneymaker"
("Took your momma 9 months to make ya. Might as well shake what your momma gave ya" really put it all in perspective for me. I need to shake my moneymaker in order to show my mother that I appreciate what she went through!)

J-Kwon "Tipsy"
("One--here comes the two to the three to the four..." Educational.)

Baby Boy "The Way I Live"
("I stack my money lay low and chill. Don't need to work hard. That's the way I feel, I feel. This is the way I live." Hmm... I like this idea. This man is a genius!)

Mike Jones "Badd"
("I'm looking for a dime that's top of the line. Cute face, little waist, with a big behind." Hello? Here I am!)

Jay Z "99 Problems"
("If you're having girl problems I feel bad for you, son. I've got 99 problems but a b* ain't one." I'm glad to see that Jay Z has his priorities straight. Jail? Drugs? Those problems are nothing compared to b* problems!)

Mims "This is Why I'm Hot"
("I'm hott 'cuz I'm fly. You ain't 'cuz you not." How much simpler can he make it, people?)

50 Cent "In da Club"
("I been hit wit a few shells but I don't walk with a limp." He's been shot. He's gangsterrrr.)

Kanye West "Kanye's Workout Plan"
("Thanks to Kanye's Workout Plan, I'm the envy of all my friends. See, I got me a baller man... and I ain't gotta work at the mall again!" Amen, sister friend. I need to get me a baller man.)

A Kindred Soul.

Google Analytics informed me that last week, someone googled "Summertime is gramatically incorrect. As long as we was together" and ended up on my blog! That person is my soul mate.

(Below is a totally gratuitious picture of Michael Phelps. Enjoy!)

Feel Stupid, France.

Last night I was about to turn off the TV and go to bed when all of the sudden "Michael Phelps in 29 Minutes!" flashed in the corner of the screen. Thanks, NBC for feeding my obsession. Since I'm a Phelps Phan (in a way not as creepy as the AT&T commercial), I just had to stay awake! I got all ready for bed and settled in to watch the men's 4x100 freestyle relay finals.

The commentators were talking about a comment made by France that really bugged me. "The Americans? We're going to smash the Americans. It's what we came to do."

So it's down to the last 50m and the French are ahead by almost a full body's length. It's clearly going to be a new world record for the event and it appears the French are going to win. Oh, but wait! Lezak appears to be picking up steam in the last 10m... and.... Lezak touches first! The Americans win!! Oh, it was amazing. I'm way glad I stayed awake for it! I can't find the video yet, but I'm sure it will be on the highlights of the games.

Take that, France!

Sometimes I Amaze Myself.

I am awesome. Let me tell you why:

I have had my driver's license for almost 6 years now. Until the other day, I never caused damage to anything with a car. Yup, you caught that I said "Until the other day..." Good job. Let me tell you a short story about my first big car screw up.

Since I live too far to drive back-and-forth a bunch, I stayed in Columbus Monday afternoon so that I could go out Monday night. I test-drove cars, opened a bank account, and studied until it was time. So I meet up with some of my fellow students and we sit and talk and have a great time! Alas, it was time for me to start my journey home. I got home and hit the garage door opener like always... except this time, I was in a gigantic SUV instead of my usual Honda. I started in the garage when in slow motion, I thought, "Hmm... the garage door is still going up... am I going to clear it---" CRUNCH! The top of the car hit the bottom of the garage door and bent it all up. It was off the track and just kinda hanging out. I freaked! I'm responsible! I certainly don't crash into garage doors! I called my mom, who was understandably angry. Then I called my neighbor who helped me pull it shut for the night. I'm a genius. Before I even got home yesterday, some repair guys fixed it. They had to put a brace on it so that it would fit back on the track. I'm awaiting the estimate for a new bottom panel. I have moved through all of the phases of grief in the last few days. Right now I'm in a spot where I am just shaking my head and laughing in anger/amazement because there's nothing else I can do. I'm sure once the bill comes, I will no longer be laughing...

I'll Take the Olympic Special!

Happy 8/8/08, everyone! Wow, it felt like today would never get here, didn't it? I don't know about you, but I am pretty pumped for the Summer Olympics!!

Events I'm most excited about:

• Men's Swimming.
• Watching Michael Phelps dominate Men's Swimming (in a Speedo).
• Gymnastics.

Have a fabulous weekend! XOXO!

Heaven.

I realized the other day that I am at somewhat of a disadvantage academically in that I am not a morning person and I don't drink coffee. I thought for a minute about my options:

1. Energy drinks

2. No Doz

Neither of which are actually options at the moment because energy drinks give me ulcers and make me fat after a few days and I have currently misplaced my bottle of No Doz. Just then it was time for a beverage break, and what showed up at the table, but a tiny can of heaven. Diet Pepsi Max. A zero-calorie caffeinated can of heaven. It drinks like a regular soda, but has a little extra caffeine (but not as much as an energy drink). I just want to give a shout-out to my friends at Pepsi who may have inadvertently saved my law school career!

I'm Learning Stuff!

Two things I've learned so far...

1. BYU prepared me very well for law school. While the work load for law school is going to be insane, I don't feel that it's going to be so much of a change that I can't handle it, you know? I mean, it's just an expected progression from my undergrad, and for that, I am thankful.

2. I am a linguistic learner. My MIDAS test (Multiple Intelligences Developmental Assessment Scales) told me so! That means that I learn best through just basic reading and writing. Nothing fancy... just the basics. I also place great importance on word choice, grammar and mechanics. To this I (and anyone who knows me would) say, "duh!" And a random conversation about bulimia that took place shortly after learning this reminded me of a story:

A few years ago, I had a roommate who turned out to be bulimic. As always, I was so concerned with school that I failed to see her odd behavior. She would go in the bathroom and turn the shower on. At first I thought that was strange... but then I was like, "well, maybe she just likes to be clean?" (No, Kathleen. Nobody is that clean. Especially not her.) As the days went by, we would comment on the occasional binging that we saw, but she would just say "I am sooooo hungry!" and that would be enough for us. One day, I got fed-up with her mail of 3 weeks sitting on the counter, so I went in her room to deliver it and glanced at a piece of paper. I remember it was a list of problems she was currently having. I only glanced, but it was forever burnt into my memory. The only thing I now remember from that paper? That she spelled "bulimia" wrong.

Welcome to Phoenix!

This isn't exactly "new" news anymore, but Matt Barnes, previously of the Golden State Warriors (Gangsta!) is the newest member of the Phoenix Suns and I could not be more excited! Turns out he was a free agent. Crazy. How long until we can get rid of Shaq that way?

As he will soon be new to the area, I am publicly offering to show Matt around this great city. Also, Matt--if you need a place to stay while you're looking for a house, we have extra room.

XOXO.