I Don't Hate It...

I don't hate Heidi... you all know that I really feel bad for her, right?

Ok, that being said... PopSugar posted one of her new songs this morning. Surprisingly, I like the song... but Heidi's voice just isn't strong enough. Maybe a techno-dance version by Lady Gaga or wait a few years until it's age-appropriate for Miley Cyrus? Really, just someone who won't whisper it. What do you think of this song? Could it be good if someone else released it?

Season 5!

Can you believe season 5 is here already?? Let's discuss The Hills, shall we? Here are a few of my favorite lines from the first episode:

Lauren: So, which one of you invited Heidi?
Stephanie: Umm.. Loooo?
Lauren: I know Lo didn't invite Heidi; I was trying to be nice.

OR

Stephanie (to Audrina): Are you reading this? Out loud? On camera?

OR

Spencer: Touch me first so I can f* you up.

And now, a few words of advice:

To Lauren: Get rid of that hideous men's blazer that you insist on wearing over your dressy clothes. It's cute when a girl wears her boyfriend's jacket that is two sizes too big... it's not cute when she owns a men's blazer two sizes too big.

To Brody: I'm not even really sure why you're still here.

To Heidi: Colby sure seems cute... and you can't exactly blame your mom for trying now, can you?

To Spencer: I hope you hooked up with the skanky bartender. You're scum and I hope Heidi dumps you. Also, you fight like a girl.

So Sad.

MTV Shows

I'm really going to miss these boys.

Separated at Birth?

Left: Allie from "The City."
Right: A Bratz doll.
(Did anyone else notice this?)

Oh, Spencer!

So, I didn't even check what the survey said, and I started catching up on The Hills this afternoon. I realized that it's spring break... and I no longer have cable... and I had nothing better to do (or nothing that I felt like doing)... don't judge me.

I'm all the way to episode 10 (I started at 4) and I know this is old news (since it really aired in October... but I was boycotting, remember?), but Spencer Pratt and his creepy, flesh-colored beard have done it again. Let me set the scene for those of you who may not watch trashy television: Spencer & Heidi have been together for a while and Spencer is totally controlling. Heidi no longer has friends. Spencer especially hates Heidi's old bestie, Lauren. Heidi's sister Holly moved to town and is trying to patch things between Heidi and Lauren. Holly convinces Heidi to write Lauren a letter, and Spencer finds out that she did. Spencer calls his sister to meet him at a coffee shop... his new "office" since Holly is staying on their couch... although I don't know what he does all day. So... here's the convo Spencer and Stephanie have at the coffee shop:

SPENCER: Oh, and then Holly must have talked Heidi into writing LC some apology letter like 'let's make peace.'
STEPHANIE: What'd the letter say?
SPENCER: I didn't know about it. I didn't even get to read it.... or.... spell-check it...
STEPHANIE: Did she tell you?
SPENCER: No, this is the first secret she's kept from me. Holly is really throwing some wrenches in this machine.

How dare she! She didn't even ask him to spell-check it? How will this relationship last if Heidi is just going around... spelling things on her own??

Sad.

For the last week or so, I've held my breath every time I turn on the TV. I knew that my time with cable was coming to an end.

Well, this morning it finally happened. I turned on the TV... and... fuzz. Just fuzz.

Thanks to modern technology, I'll be able to watch most of my shows online at a later date on wireless internet I will be "borrowing" from my neighbors. There are a few shows, however, that I will no longer be able to watch... because I never (and would never) intentionally seek them out. Here is a short list of guilty pleasures that I will no longer be watching:

Chet + Erin= (I Hope) Love

If I had it my way, my sister would marry Chet from Real World Brooklyn. Here are just a few reasons:

1. Chet is Mormon... so is my sister. Not that only being Mormon makes him perfect... because I know a lot of "Mormons," but he seems to be a really good, rule-following, upstanding young man. I could do without his little-bit-of-a potty mouth at times, but Erin won't mind that... actually, she would probably prefer it.

2. Chet is funny and likes to play practical jokes... and loves those jokes even more when they tick people off. Hello.... have you met Erin?

3. He likes Gossip Girl... which makes him ok in my book!

4. They live relatively close to each other (close enough to date & get married).

5. They would make cute children:

(How creepy am I?)

I think I have stated a pretty strong case. What do you think?

It Is So Glamorous!

So the other day I had a very detailed conversation with someone about Rich Girls, the first of MTV's crazy reality shows. Think Laguna Beach or The Hills, but richer, and funnier because it's ridiculously real. Rich Girls followed Ally Hilfiger (yes, Tommy's daughter) and Jaime Gleicher (heiress to the JanSport fortune) around NYC. They were dramatic. They were spoiled rotten, yet somehow just so darn lovable. I watched every episode loyally my junior year of high school. I think that was when I first decided that I love reality TV. I wanted to be their friend (ridiculous as they were).

Remember when Ally wanted to make a Mexican meal and asked the workers at Whole Foods what should go in it? Beans? Canned? What? Ok... what kind of cheese? Then she freaked out when she got home, "All I want is my onion and my tomato... in the beef... with the rice and the cheese and avocado and I want to eat it! I can't handle this knife right now!!!"

Remember when Jaime wanted to "lose it" before prom because it's so cliche to do it on prom night? And do you also remember that prom was a complete disaster?

Remember when they decided that people from the Midwest wore only cargo pants? They needed the extra pockets to carry stuff on the farm.

Remember when they went to London and Jaime felt left out? My mom always taught me that 3 girls in any situation is generally a bad idea. (Ironically, there are 3 girls in my family... but we are definitely the rule, not the exception!) Remember when Jaime's straightener fried Liz's hair. It was so Jaime's fault:

Good times, good times.

A Poll.

Ok, guys. It's my first-ever poll! Let me explain my current dilemma:

New episodes of Bones return March 12.
New episodes of Gossip Girl return March 16.
New episodes of Dirty Sexy Money may never return.

Granted, I've been keeping busy with some filler shows, but I just feel a gaping void in my internet-tv watching lately. Which brings me to my question for all of you. Since my boycott of MTV has basically been lifted because Chet and Ryan are just so darn funny, should I start catching up on the entire last season of "The Hills?" If I do that, I can also begin to watch "The City." Is it worth it?? Was last season that good? Is "The City" worth checking out? I just figure that as long as I'm watching "The Real World," I might as well not deprive myself of a show that I used to enjoy... and another that I might.

So... take my poll, please!
If you've watched the shows, please also leave a comment pleading your side.
All comments and opinions are appreciated. XOXO!

Should I Catch Up on "The Hills"?

• Yes
• No

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Oh, If Only...

Four careers I would love if I weren't too darn practical:
(in no particular order)

1. Millionaire Matchmaker

Hellloooooo, Does Patti not have the coolest job ever? There are some inherent problems with this career (like my 0% matchmaking success rate), but I am confident that as Patti's apprentice, I would rock! Plus, I think it could be fun.

2. High-End Real Estate Agent

Kind of like the Million Dollar Morons, but cooler, because, well... it's me! And I certainly wouldn't get arrested. Like matchmaking... but for homes!

3. House Flipper/Designer

HGTV is my go-to channel du jour. Remember when I was obsessed with TLC's "Flip This House" and then Bravo's "Flipping Out?" Holly and I had a great idea. Holly was going to be part-designer, part-publicist. I was going to be part-designer, part-lawyer. Holly's "husband" would do the contracting work and my "husband" would be a silent investor. We had it all planned. Granite counter-tops. Always. Neutral tones and hardwood floors. Always. No homes under $500k. No exceptions.

4. Zookeeper

Ok, so we went to the zoo the other day. It was awesome! A little cold when the wind blew, but still awesome! Also, we were the only people there... which added to the awesomeness. Well, we were in "Asia" and we decided to go see the elephants! We got there just as Connie was receiving her foot-cleaning. She will literally walk right up to the bars and stick her feet up (one at a time) into a little hole where the bars twist off so that the zookeeper can check them out and dust them off! How cool is that? Then she gets treats that were actually designed for monkeys! Then the zookeeper got to come out into the viewing room and answer all sorts of questions (asked mostly by Steve, who was maybe a little too interested in elephant-rearing). What a great job!

Ok, what are your four??
Discuss, discuss!

Shut Up!

We haven't chatted about GG lately, have we? Wow. This season started off phenomenally, then got so-so, but lucky for us, it's back to awesome! And just when I thought life couldn't get any better, I saw that Bravo (my recent obsession and newest source for trashy TV) is making a REALITY SHOW based off of it! Add that to RHWOC, Millionaire Matchmaker, and constant ANTM marathons and getting rid of my cable in a month is really starting to sound like a bad idea...

Million Dollar Morons.

I'm studying from home and organizing my notes for Crim law. There is absolutely nothing on tv today, so I was watching "Million Dollar Listing" on Bravo. I love all things real estate (except real estate law, so don't even mention it) and home design, so it seemed like a good idea, right?

Not.

These real estate brokers are all super young, super douchey, and super unprofesh.

They show up to open houses in jeans and a super-douchey button-down from Express for Men.

The one is so focused on kissing the butt of Catino Mobley that is pathetic.

The one showed up to a meeting with clients in a sweatband, aviators, a long-sleeved gray t-shirt, basketball shorts, and tennis shoes. When he was asked why he was dressed like that he said, "When I woke up this morning, my power and water were both off! I couldn't shower. I just had to put on gym clothes and roll with it." So, apparently, when his electricity shuts off, he is unable to access a normal outfit?

How are these punks making multi-million dollar real estate sales? Should I be going into real estate?

Trapped.

In case you were wondering, I solved my moral dilemma. I guess I knew what I had to do all along. I will not be watching the Britney Spears documentary that airs in 2 hours. Partly because of my ongoing boycott (it really has been almost 3 months without even cheating) and partly because I'm trapped in my room without tv access (don't ask). It's going to be painful (for both reasons), but I will get through it. I will be excited to read what my friends & favorite celebrity bloggers have to say about it... just not Perez Hilton.

Let me know what you think if you watch it! XOXO

A Moral Dilemma.

First and foremost, Holly just informed me that today is:

National Carbonated Beverage with Caffeine Day!

So, go out there and enjoy your holiday! I personally celebrate this holiday every day of my life... but perhaps today I'll have an extra DC. Ooh, maybe I'll treat myself to McDonald's!
NOTE: Tomorrow is National Peanut Butter Fudge Day. Plan accordingly.

Ok, on to my moral dilemma. See, here's the thing. A few months ago, I broke up with MTV. We haven't spoken since. It's been a surprisingly clean break-up. We've been respectful of each other's boundaries... until now. I have just been informed by a mutual friend that MTV will be airing a 90 minute Britney Spears documentary next week. Tricky, tricky, MTV. Please refrain from putting Brit Brit in the middle of our problems. I understand that this has been difficult for you. I occasionally miss you, too... but you cannot trick me into coming back to you. We both know that this break-up has been for the best.

Oh, Boy!

Last night I wondered if it was too early to start printing the "It's not my fault; I voted for McCain!" bumper stickers... and then by the time I woke up, I had a few invitations to join that Facebook group in my inbox. So, I guess that answers that question.

This is what I wanted the headlines to read this morning:

Obama Wins!
Romney Organizes Exploratory Committee for 2012

Politically, things just aren't going my way. I firmly believe that someday the Obama supporters will regret their decision in a way that I almost regret my support of David Cook for American Idol '08. They'll look back and realize that McCain was the right choice much like I am thinking I should have voted for Archie. Have you heard David Cook's new song? I put it in my playlist in the bottom right-hand corner. You know what, I'll also put Archie's single over there for those of you who have been living under a rock and haven't heard it yet. If you end up not being able to stomach "Light On," but putting "Crush" on repeat--you are not alone.

Archie- 1, Cook- 0.

So Little Time!

I feel like I have so much to discuss and in so little time! This law school thing is really getting in the way of my life. Too bad I love it, huh?

First--My birthday occurred as scheduled, despite my efforts to cancel it. It really was a great day, though! There is no other way that I would want to celebrate this non-milestone than to get sushi with a few of my besties followed by an after-party of watching the RNC and eating chips and dip. This was one hell of a birthday! Thanks to all involved! XOXO

Second--My Obama post the other day got 30 hits!! 17 of those came from Chris & Val's blog alone! Thanks to everyone who has me linked to their blog. If you have me linked and I have not yet linked you, let me know!!

Third--Gossip Girl. Really, if you saw it, I don't have to say anymore--except that I will say more... and you will like it. I decided that I love little Jenny Humphrey's hair. I tried to find a picture but failed. When my hair grows out from this awful boy cut, I am totally tracking down a picture of her to take in to my next appointment! (Hopefully by Thanksgiving if my vitamins work the way they're supposed to!) Nate is hott, Chuck is fabulously slimy, Serena & Dan aren't going to make it, Blair is gorgeous and I want to be her, and I think Erik should stop being gay and date Jenny. Can't wait for next week! Moving on...

Fourth--The Hills. Lauren-that was the most awkward break-up. Ever. Spencer-I want to make you un-on my TV. Stephanie-there is a huge difference between a hamster and a guinea pig. Like, a species. Something doesn't start out as a hamster and then become a guinea pig. I did laugh for a few minutes, though.

Fifth--(I had to spell check fifth... but I did spell it right on my first try!)--Bones tonight. 2 hour season premiere. I don't know how I'll deal without Zack-a-roni, but I am still pretty pumped!

Have a good night, everybody!! XOXO

Team Audrina!

Ok, kids. Let's discuss the season premiere of The Hills. We'll do a person-by-person analysis.

Lauren: Doug is cute... despite the fact that his name is Doug. Hang on to that. I saw in the teaser that Stephanie tries to steal him. Stephanie is ugly.

Whitney: I did not see enough of you Monday night. You are the voice of reason that the other girls so desperately need. Please make it a point to show us more of your pretty face.

Heidi: Spencer is a huge loser. Does he even have a job? I can't believe that he got pissed that you let your sister stay for a weekend. He's got issues and you'd be better to get out now. Also, I heard on the radio on my way to school that you claim to be a virgin. You even told reporters that although you share a bed with Spencer, you build a "wall of pillows" so you don't actually touch. Nobody believes you. Plus, we remember your Season 2 pregnancy scare. So there.

Audrina: I am Team Audrina all the way! Way to stand up to Lo! Please don't move out. We need you.

Lo: I hate you right now. Don't be mean to Audrina... and especially don't attack her/give her a fake apology. You haven't given half of the effort that you think you have. You're a mean girl. Move out. Nobody likes you.

The Hills!

Tonight! Word.

Enjoy:

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

(Warning: Language may not be suitable for work without headphones. Honestly, if you're watching videos at work without headphones in the first place, that's your problem.)

Hott Mommas!

Ok, so this is kinda exciting! I've seen commercials lately for "She's Got the Look" which will be on TV Land next week! It's apparently a sort of "America's Next Top Model" for women over 35! It looks promising. I can't wait!!

Living Lohan?

I wish I could say this was a joke... but it looks like the Lohan family's new reality show is airing on E! on Memorial Day.

Dear Ryan Seacrest,

I will not watch Living Lohan. I will not watch Living Lohan....

Oh, who am I kidding... I probably will watch it... and I'll probably love it. Damn you, Ryan Seacrest! I smell another hit of House of Carters proportions!