Hello, Love!

A few weeks ago, I was talking on the phone with my mom when she said, "Ok, I have to go. Dirty Sexy Money is on." And I said, "What?" She said, "Oh, it's so good, Neen! You should watch it!" So the other night after reading Contracts for 3.5 hours, I decided that I would give it a try. It was then that I was introduced to DSM's very own "Chuck Bass." Meet Jeremy Darling. Kinda crazy; kinda scummy; totally hott. Nice to meet you, Jeremy. We'll be spending a lot of time together.

Cook Time May Vary

Don't worry. You're right. This is my millionth post about food in the last few weeks. I feel sort of like a fat kid, but this is one of those moments that is just too funny to not share. Last week I picked up a new Lean Cuisine at the grocery store. Saturday, I decided it was time to give it a try. I took it out of the box as usual and looked at the instructions:

Peel back plastic on one side to vent. Microwave on high for 5 minutes.

Easy enough. I put it in the microwave and did some other things until I heard the "It's done!" beeps. Time for step 2.

Pull back plastic. Stir. Recover food.

Check.

Microwave on high for 2-4 1/2 minutes. (Cook time may vary by microwave).

Yes, cook time does vary by microwave. But really? It's going to vary 2 1/2 minutes-worth??

Your pasta will be ready sometime between immediately and the middle of next week.

Who writes these instructions?

That's Not What I Meant...

ANNEE: You Mormons... you mean business. You don't mess around!
ME: Whoa. Hold up. I mess around.
(awkward pause)
ME: That didn't come out right...
ANNEE: Noooo.....

What??

My mom called me last night just to "check in" on me. How nice. What she really called to say was that she had parent-teacher conferences for my sister yesterday. One teacher said that she wished that she could clone my sister. Another commended her for her always being well prepared. Her science teacher said that she got a 102% in her class this grading period.

102%
How is that even possible??

My mom pretty much should have just said that my other sister and I suck at life. That's what she meant anyway.

Never a Good Idea. Ever.

Every once in a while, I get this crazy thought when I'm walking through the grocery store. I think "Hmm... grocery store sushi would be a good idea for dinner tonight!" So I buy the grocery store sushi... and it's always the same. I just hope I don't actually DIE from it at some point. I had 3 pieces and I already think I'm sick. See, in AZ, I got sushi at the grocery store all the time and it was fabulous... but it was not your average grocery store. Think Whole Foods, but more posh and less healthy. They also had several full-time sushi chefs at that grocery store. It was always made to order and always fresh. Giant Eagle just has a different system. Someone, please: Next time I mention that I'm going grocery shopping, remind me that sushi was not meant to be made by Giant Eagle. Thanks.

Girls, Girls! You're Both Pretty!

So, apparently Time Warner Cable and the CW are in a fight. Due to this fight, I am currently without the CW for the foreseeable future. Not cool. Not cool at all. What will I do without Gossip Girl? Well, the Time Warner customer service rep had a splendid idea! This is a pretty-close-to-accurate transcript of a call that Megan made to ask about the problem:

MEGAN: Hi, ummm... has the channel for the CW changed? I can't find it.
TW CSR: Time Warner is currently in negotiations with the CW. That channel will not be on our cable until the negotiations are finished.
MEGAN: Will I have the CW back by 8pm tonight?
TW CSR: No, ma'am.
MEGAN: What am I supposed to do about Gossip Girl?
TW CSR: Well, ma'am, we did give you Starz for Kids. That's a premium channel that you are getting for free during negotiations.
MEGAN: Starz for Kids?
TW CSR: Yes, ma'am.
MEGAN: I am 23 years old. Why in the hell would I want Starz for Kids?
TW CSR: They show many popular movies.
MEGAN: Riiiiiiight.

Luckily, I have found no indication online that there was a new episode of Gossip Girl on last week. I just want to tell TW & CW, "Girls, girls! You're both pretty! Let's solve this little tiff so we can all watch GG!"

Studying: Hazardous to My Health.

I have got to find a healthier "Study Snack."

Do you KNOW how much fat is in a small bag??

Hint: A LOT.

If only the vending machine had a bigger selection.

Any suggestions??

A Small Request.

Dear Fruity Pebbles,

Over the last year I have dominated every game on the back of the box. I can show you the continuous line of same-colored pebbles to get across the square. I can show you all of the hidden pebbles and tell you which color has the most (purple). I am ready for new games. Please? Is that too much to ask???

With Love,
Kathleen

I Don't See Color.

Is anyone else fed up with the fact that this election is a race issue?

I probably shouldn't say that because that's "racist."

Honestly, I don't care what color you are, Obama. You could be orange. You are not qualified. Period.

Which is Creepier?

The fact that this guy is trying to get into the school computer lab
or
The picture of him that they emailed to us
?



You decide!