Good News/Bad News!

The good: I filled the Yukon yesterday for $66!! That's $3.47 a gallon! Score!

The bad: When you find gas for $3.47 a gallon, you're probably not in the best neighborhood!

The good: My car was not stolen in the process!

The bad: I am still poor and $66 for a tank of gas (that I will use in 4 days) is still more than I want to pay.

The idea of a Prius is sounding better and better everyday. (NOT!)

It's Here! It's Here!

MOM: Oh, by the way--your Obama sticker came today!
ME: Oh good! Please cut it into tiny pieces and throw it away?
MOM: Ok....
ME: Thanks!

Those of you who are loyal readers will remember this. Well, check out what I saw today....

Dear Prius Owner,
We are already aware of your douchebaggery based on your choice of automobile. The Obama sticker is redundant.
XOXO,
Kathleen

"Subtle but Essential," Indeed!

For the last few months, I felt as if "Stuff White People Like" has been slacking. Don't worry, though--they continue to remind me just how white I really am. Today I learned something very important. I was unaware that my "Self Aware Hip Hop References" were so common. I may need to find a new approach to being cool. White people like being unique--I'm not sure if they've covered that yet!

Cancellation Notice.

My birthday was supposed to take place September 2nd. It is hereby canceled. For some reason, the idea of being 22 is just not appealing. So, I'm going to cancel my birthday and be 21 forever.

Seven Dolla Holla!!!!!!!!!

It should be no surprise that I love to shop. Wednesday, while wandering around TJ Maxx, I happened to stumble into the shoe aisle. I'm walking, minding my own business when all of the sudden, I see the coolest shoes ever! I put them on and walked back and forth to make sure they were comfortable. Then I checked the price... $7! So then I said to the sales girls, "Are these shoes so ugly that they're cute, or are they just ugly?" and the one said "Well, they look really cute on you!" (Notice she didn't answer the question?) Oh, well. Her answer was good enough for me and now they're mine! Hollaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

Do You Promise???

Britney Spears is performing at the VMAs again this year!! Way to go, B! I'm rooting for you all the way!

I post this not to make fun of you, but to serve as motivation:




Please don't eff it up this year.... oh, and please wear actual clothing. XOXO

Team Audrina!

Ok, kids. Let's discuss the season premiere of The Hills. We'll do a person-by-person analysis.

Lauren: Doug is cute... despite the fact that his name is Doug. Hang on to that. I saw in the teaser that Stephanie tries to steal him. Stephanie is ugly.

Whitney: I did not see enough of you Monday night. You are the voice of reason that the other girls so desperately need. Please make it a point to show us more of your pretty face.

Heidi: Spencer is a huge loser. Does he even have a job? I can't believe that he got pissed that you let your sister stay for a weekend. He's got issues and you'd be better to get out now. Also, I heard on the radio on my way to school that you claim to be a virgin. You even told reporters that although you share a bed with Spencer, you build a "wall of pillows" so you don't actually touch. Nobody believes you. Plus, we remember your Season 2 pregnancy scare. So there.

Audrina: I am Team Audrina all the way! Way to stand up to Lo! Please don't move out. We need you.

Lo: I hate you right now. Don't be mean to Audrina... and especially don't attack her/give her a fake apology. You haven't given half of the effort that you think you have. You're a mean girl. Move out. Nobody likes you.

Grammar 101.

I was shopping yesterday when I came across an interesting t-shirt. Instinctively, I took a picture and sent it to everyone who would know better. Does this t-shirt company employ anyone with a basic understanding of the English language? This makes no sense. I sincerely hope nobody purchased this.

Holly came up with a brilliant idea. If this whole law school thing doesn't work out, we're going to start a business printing grammatically incorrect t-shirts. It will be great because 99% of the English-speaking population won't even get the joke. Some of our first shirts will be (courtesy of Holly's genius):

• I wonder why someone would punctuate a statement as if they were asking a question?
• Improper use of apostrophe's make my heart ache.

Available for you're collection soon. Sold at a store over their.

The Hills!

Tonight! Word.

Enjoy:

See more James Franco videos at Funny or Die

(Warning: Language may not be suitable for work without headphones. Honestly, if you're watching videos at work without headphones in the first place, that's your problem.)

A Safer World for Your Children.

They say that when you try to multi-task you can do lots of things... but you do none of them well. I am going to say that this is fact. Gospel, almost. I thought about this as I almost caused a 4 car pile-up yesterday. What happened, you might ask? I was reaching for a french fry. Then I realized that about 90% of my near-death experiences in a car* have involved me reaching for french fries. So, from now on,** I vow to not eat while I drive. I'm doing my part to make the world a safer place!

*according to statistics that I made up for this post.

**or at least until the next time I find myself hungry while driving.