This week has been especially frigid. It's only expected to get worse. Don't get me wrong--I love lounging in my bed and taking long naps, but I have other things that I need to get done. Winter is not very conducive to my schedule. So, instead of complaining about it, I've decided to do something about it. According to ecobridge.org (I've never heard of it, but it ends in ".org" which means it must be true, right?) there are a few things that I can do personally to accelerate global warming. I am tired of politicians promising global warming and never following through. My promise to you tonight ladies and gents is to do everything in my power to make sure our children and our children's children never have to put up with this kind of weather (they can thank me later).
From now on...
I PROMISE TO...
Purchase large amounts of stock in coal companies.
Buy a huge honkin' SUV with bad gas mileage.
Move to a large city where I have the opportunity to sit in lots of traffic.
Drive said SUV everywhere. And I mean everywhere.
(Across the street, to my neighbor's, the mailbox, the dumpster--you name it!)
Crank up the heat in any building where the thermostat is accessible.
Fly in airplanes. Perhaps even private jets.
(The fewer people on the plane, the better it is for everyone!)
Eat more rice.
Use laughing gas at every dental appointment.
(You know, I think my next cleaning might "hurt a little...")
Cut down trees.
(Every one I see. No exceptions.)
Purchase large amounts of stock in coal companies.
Buy a huge honkin' SUV with bad gas mileage.
Move to a large city where I have the opportunity to sit in lots of traffic.
Drive said SUV everywhere. And I mean everywhere.
(Across the street, to my neighbor's, the mailbox, the dumpster--you name it!)
Crank up the heat in any building where the thermostat is accessible.
Fly in airplanes. Perhaps even private jets.
(The fewer people on the plane, the better it is for everyone!)
Eat more rice.
Use laughing gas at every dental appointment.
(You know, I think my next cleaning might "hurt a little...")
Cut down trees.
(Every one I see. No exceptions.)
I may not be able to do it all on my own, but I believe that one person can make a difference. Will you join me in making the weather better for our posterity?
